Bloody Hell, Make Leona Lewis Stop!

My ears keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding, love. What gives? As Simon Cowell's newest protégé Leona Lewis, the winner of Britain's Idol contest The X Factor , climbs the Billboard Hot 100, more and more blood seeps from my ears. Truly. I can barely stand it!

Primed to be "the next Whitney Houston" or "the next Mariah Carey" depending on which overzealous critique you come across, I can't help but wonder why can't Whitney Houston be "the next Whitney Houston"? Certainly, Simon has Clive Davis's ear given their American Idol partnership. Yeah, I know jive Clive has got Miss Whitney tied to a radiator somewhere presumably in the greater Los Angeles area, but can't they let her come out to play? No one buys BOBBAY's claims that he "never used cocaine until after [he] met Whitney" anyway. This, of course, is the same man who just lost a lucrative record deal on CMT's Gone Country to Enrique's hotter but less talented brother, Julio Iglesias, Jr. I wish I were kidding.

Even Mariah's drinking the haterade. When asked about "the next Mariah Carey," Mimi deadpaned, "They've been comparing people to me for longer than I can remember...if [she's] the new me, can [she] come and do my interviews for me or get in the studio and write one of my songs?" Wow, Tai, that was way harsh. But true.

C'mon Idol give back or there will be blood. I will always love you.

Leona Lewis: Bleeding Love