America’s favorite never-nude, David Cross, is my literary hero this week for posting the following in the jacket flap to his first (surprising, huh?) book I Drink For A Reason (a title I can definitely get behind). Ahem:
"He is currently fucking Amber Tamblyn."
Even funnier, the author shot Cross chose for his jacket flap is Tamblyn's dad, Russ Tamblyn of West Side Story ( KL7's favorite movie of all-time) and Twin Peaks infamy. Considering I just performed a standup set complete with sex jokes in front of my father during my recent New York vacation, I'm probably the least likely person to espouse modesty, and I won't here. You have to admit he is really clever! I, for one, would be flattered. I mean, haven't you seen David Cross slathered in blue paint?
Kinda hot...
This very public declaration of well, fuckery grabbed my attention because, fine, I'll cop to it. Amber Tamblyn is my girl crush! While every girl on the planet has a not that innocent thing for Angelina, Megan and/or Scarlett, I prefer Amber. She has a je ne sais quoi "it" factor and maturity well beyond her years, and she's an accomplished poet (a tidbit I learned from my voracious appetite for Interview Magazine)
...and well, because I cried my eyes out during The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, okay? And I can count on one hand how many times I've cried in the past five years so that's saying a lot. How can you deny an adorable story of friendship, growing pains and letting go? Look, I hate Lifetime movies as much as the next broad but there was something sweet about Tamblyn's character mentoring a pesky neighborhood kid, she later learns is diagnosed with Leukemia, who just wants to help her make films. (Tamblyn plays an aspiring director). So yeah, can you really blame me? I'm getting choked up as I type this.
Anyhow, that's enough oversharing for now. Pick up Cross' I Drink For A Reason currently in stores or meet him at Book Soup September 17th and check out Tamblyn's new book of poetry Bang Ditto in stores today. For more info and tour dates, check out Amber Tamblyn's official poetry website.
'Til then, I'll leave you with my all-time favorite Arrested Development moment. Tobias Funke as Mrs. Featherbottom.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Bang Ditto
Save the Parks!
Save the parks and rock out at the same time! Since there's no way to avoid sounding like a patchouli-drenched tree-hugging hippie (or Arafat-scarved hipster, as it were), let's read what the FYF website has to say, shall we?
"The goal for this year is to provide a low-cost event of great entertainment while raising awareness of the possible closure of up to 100 State Parks.
Due to the recent budget cuts, California State Parks are left without basic funding to keep the parks open."
Tickets are still available, and I am super excited to get VIP treatment thanks to Taryn's good luck of winning The Fader's contest on Twitter . Does anyone want to buy the $8 ticket I already bought or shall I consider it my charitable deed of the week?
This is Why I love Caitlin
"you need to find a nice guy. someone with values, not some good looking piece of shit."- The faux uncle, bogarting my convo with Kimber.
lePeanutgallery
True Story
This morning, I awoke to my boss being interviewed on E!'s True Hollywood Story. If that wasn't freaky enough, when I got to my office in the hills, I then choked on the surrounding mushroom cloud of smoke permeating from the current So Cal fire spell. I had to tell my boss, as we have a good joking relationship, and he just laughed maniacally like Melanie Laurent at the end of Inglourious Basterds.
Stay tuned!
Crashing Bore of the Day
Overheard on South Beverly at approximately 2:00 p.m.:
"...so now she thinks we're having an affair! (weaselish laughter) But that's not who I'm having an affair with!"
This world, I am afraid, is designed for crashing bores. I am not one.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Beavis and Butt-Head Shall Return!
Last weekend, I had the honor of meeting one of my comedy inspirations Mike Judge (Beavis & Butt-Head, Office Space, King of The Hill, Idiocracy) at an advanced screening and Q&A for Extract starring Jason Bateman (known forever to me as David Hogan from The Hogan Family and some other underappreciated family sitcom from the 2000's which name escapes me at the moment). Anyway, apparently The New York Post asked Judge the same thing I thought to ask, and since I didn't think to bring a tape recorder, I'll let the NYP take all the credit:
NYP: "Beavis and Butt-Head" went off the air about 10 years ago, meaning the guys would be in their 20s now. What do you think they'd be up to?
Mike Judge: I kind of think of them as being either 15 or being in their 60s. I wouldn't mind doing something with them as these two dirty old men sitting on the couch. In between then? I don't know. At one point, I thought Butt-Head might do OK on some really low-level sales job. Beavis might be landscaping.
Ummm that would be awesome. Huh huh huh. YEAH! YEAH!
(P.S. Now I wish I had asked Mike Judge to say my favorite Butt-Head quote, which got me through junior high: "I noticed you have braces. I have braces, too." I'm such a fartknocker!)
Uno, Dos, Tres, Catorce (orce, orce orce, orce)!
Why Me? Why???
Are you there, God? It’s me, Ellen Margaret. Why are Derek Jeter and now Jim Halpert from The Office both engaged? Who’s next? Colin Farrell? Look, maybe I’m worshipping a trinity of false idols, and I know you’ve taught us you only give us as much as we can handle, but I don’t know how much more heartache I can take. I am certainly used to rejection in all its muddied forms living in hell on earth here in Hell A (No literally. The entire city is engulfed in flames.) but are you going to rescue me anytime soon?
In My Opinionation
This weekend, I had the pleasure of reliving my pre-teen years with a four hour marathon viewing party of Blossom (thanks to Taryn's DVD collection and Kristen's hospitality). Memories came flooding back faster than Six LeMeure's pre-Gilmore Girls Pig Latin meets screwball comedy speech pattern and made me long for the days when floppy hats and one-shouldered overalls were all the rage. I actually used to practice Blossom's awesome jazz inspired dance moves (above) on the hardwood floors of my parent's den hoping my older sister I idolized wouldn't catch me trying to be cool even though she was probably too busy crimping her hair and gazing at her Jason Priestley posters to even notice I existed. Ahh, those were the days.
What really impressed me, though, even more than Joey Lawrence's illustrious mulleted locks and cut-off flannel hoodies (which I also used to wear!), was the hard-hitting subject matter of the pilot: Blossom gets her period! WHOA! And lives with her ex-drug addict (stress the ex) older brother. Double Whoa! And her jilted musician (and HOT! earring-clad) single dad sleeps over his girlfriend's house. WHOA x3!
In our narced-out, remote-hogged Parents Television Council pre-programmed society, in which an infant's ass was pixelated out of an episode of Family Guy, I was shocked (toxic shocked! ok, gross) to see how delicately and humorously a young woman's (ahem) blossoming was treated. And how EIGHTEEN (sweet Hey Zeus, I'm getting old) years later, the material holds up and doesn't come across too preachy or afterschool special-y. Ok, maybe it does a little.
I can't imagine what the pitch meeting must have been like.
Desperate TV writer: Ok, a 14-year old, wiser than her years
Studio exec: You have exactly 30 seconds. 29, 28...
Desperate TV writer: blossoms in front of our eyes
Studio exec: Ooh, I'm interested...
Desperate TV writer: and acts as of the voice of reason for her motherless brood
Studio exec: You lost me.
Desperate TV writer: which includes her hunky brother
Studio exec: That could work.
Desperate TV writer: her drug-addled other brother
Studio exec: I have a son like that...
Desperate TV writer: and her kind-hearted session musician father
Studio exec: I've always wanted to be a rockstar! Tell me about the pilot!
Desperate TV writer: She, ummm, gets her period?
Studio exec: WHOA!
Desperate TV writer: Whoa, huh?
Studio exec: Huh? Well, what'll you call it?
Desperate TV writer: (to self) Let's see, she blossoms...April showers bring May flowers. June? Violet? I KNOW, BLOSSOM!
Studio exec: Because she's got big tits?
Desperate TV writer: Umm, no. Because she blossoms (beat) AND HER NAME IS BLOSSOM!
Studio exec: Alright, great. Sounds great. Look, I have to meet Ted Danson at Jerry's Deli.
Desperate TV writer: What about Blossom?
Studio exec: You've got a show.
Desperate TV writer: Are you serious???? I can move out of the valley!
Studio exec: Yeah, sure. Blossom. I love it. I love tits. I love you. Blossom. Shlameel Shlamazel. Mazel Tov, kid.
Desperate TV writer: WHOA!!!!!!
Ok but seriously, that was pretty cutting edge television eighteen years ago and even now. I am impressed. And I was also impressed that a corny pre-teen sitcom rife with milestones really brought my girlfriends and me together. We all sat around in a circle, sang kumbaya and reminisced about what it was like to get our periods for the first time. Because we do that kind of thing all the time. Just kidding...not!
Bahaha. In my opinionation, I'd like to see more realistic, funny and yes, even socially awkward (at times), female-centric teen shows produced like Blossom instead of one more freaking show sexualizing teenage girls into bi-curious minxes (The OC, 90210, Melrose Place, Degrassi, South of Nowhere...am I forgetting any others?) though even Disney princesses these days leak X-rated topless shots of themselves (Vanessa Hudgens) and gyrate on poles at The Teen Choice Awards (Miley Cyrus). I'm convinced not all pre-teen and teen girls look up to these fetishized studio executive fantasies of blossoming girls. Notice how the networks never buckle to the Parents Television Council's pressure over these shows. Oh, she's just being Miley. Hmm. (Though I can't lie, I am eager to see Chuck Bass go SPOILER ALERT "bi the way I'm gay" on the upcoming season of Gossip Girl! What???!!!)
Maybe I'm asking for too much? At least Mayim "Blossom" Bialik went on to earn her PhD at UCLA, marry, have two children and even appear as herself on Curb Your Enthusiasm and Fat Actress in hilarious, juicy roles. (Sorry but I will not diss her appearance on What Not to Wear. Do you see what Clinton and Stacey wear on a regular basis? They can hardly judge anyone. How dare you make me bring it up!)
In closing, I don't know about the future of television. It's anybody's guess. Ain't no good reason for getting all depressed. I'm off to the UCLA Writers Faire in a few short hours, and will buy up my pad and pencil, give you a piece of my mind and write my own shows. The sun is gonna surely...shine.
P.S. The Jonas Brothers have NOTHING on JOSEPH (nee) Joey Lawrence!
That's Stephan Urkelle to you
Trying to figure out if I want to stay on Blogger or flip to the cool side of the pillow and be a Tumblr-er. I give away gem after gem for free on Facebook and need a collective place to store my wise (but mostly wiseass) musings. Not sure if that makes me more like Steve Urkel or Stephan Urkelle. I'll just go on with the Borophyll!
The End of the Kennedy ERRRRRA
I have a Harold and Maude-like fascination with Irish wakes and funerals like any good Irish-Catholic girl. I just feel guilty I can't bring an Irish sodabread to share. RIP Teddy. See you at church, First Lady Shriver.
Los Angeles is Burning
"When the hills of Los Angeles are burning
Palm trees are candles in the murder wind
So many lives are on the breeze
Even the stars are ill at ease
And Los Angeles is burnin"
-Bad Religion
Monday, August 3, 2009
Mastering the Art of Summer Movies
Funny People, Julie & Julia, (500) Days of Summer
Nora Ephron has said movies are the literature of this generation, and I have done more than my fair share of summer reading.
Summer movies aren't just for Trekkies and Megan Fox enthusiasts (though one and the same, I suppose). I frankly had no interest in going to Comic Con (or The Con, as it's affectionately known) nor did I have any desire to see Star Trek, Transformers 2 or Harry Potter and the Christ, are these movies still being made; and I feel no shame or guilt (and I'm Catholic).
This summer, my favorite movies have spoken to me directly. Funny People , get your act together. Julie & Julia , learn how to cook already. (500) Days of Summer , it's about time you found a boyfriend.
Ok, I know, I know. It's hard to look at your shortcomings head on but these films made me realize it's okay to not have it all figured out, and just enjoy life and its experiences as they come to you. Was it Emerson or Steven Tyler who first opined "Life's a journey not a destination?" Either way, that phrase always bothered me for some reason. YOU HAVE TO BE NUMBER ONE. (Sorry, can't help quoting the Emilio Estevez monologue from The Breakfast Club as seen in my short film Catholic High School Musical).
I recently posted a fabulous article on Facebook (friend me)/Twitter (follow me) called 11 Famous People Who Were In The Completely Wrong Career at Age 30 and it was one of my more popular posts among my fellow quarter-lifer fanbase/friendbase of recent recollection. (By the way, I need to start sharing my Facebook/Twitter musings on my blog. I haven't forgotten you, The Houlywood Reporter!) Even Julia Child, the latter namesake of Julie & Julia worked as a high-ranking spy for the OSS before she charmed us with her clumsy albeit contagious joie de vivre and her oft-parodied accent. (Thank you, Nora Ephron, for including Dan Akroyd's SNL spoof to show how beloved Child was.) Anyway, enough about me (for now). Here are my top summer movie recommendations.
Funny People
I am a huuuuuuge Sandler fan. I even went to see You Don't Mess with the Zohan, so you know I don't play around. (Remember that review?) Anyway, this movie really touched me because I just started performing standup and it's incredible to see the paths former roommates Sandler and Apatow have forged with their wholly unique comedic sensibilities starting first in the standup world, with Sandler going on to SNL infamy and movie stardom pre-Ferrell, and Apatow writing for some of the most cutting edge television shows of the past two decades including for The Ben Stiller Show, The Larry Sanders Show, and of course the treasure trove that is Freaks and Geeks and the often overlooked Undeclared (which featured a Sandler cameo, natch) before he went on to be known as "the guy who brought you 'The 40 Year Old Virgin' and 'Knocked Up'". (It's okay, Apatow. We approve!)
Anyway, I was so pleased to have a movie speak to the exact journey I'm going through right now, in the form of Seth Rogen’s character. I have friends on cheesy TV shows and friends that wish they were on cheesy TV shows, and friends (like me) that wish they were writing for any TV show, heck, even a cheesy one just like any twenty-something living in LA. It was almost as if Emma Thompson were typing the inner monologue of my protagonist's journey in Stranger Than Fiction come to life.
I'm also glad Sandler had a shot at showing his softer side. Sure, he's done so before, first in P.T. Anderson's Punch Drunk Love which I admittedly wasn't a fan of (nor am I a fan of most of P.T.’s work- sorry, I know, sacrilege!) and in James L. Brooks' Spanglish which was hard to watch, but as improv guru Del Close espoused, there must be truth in comedy, and there was truth aplenty in Funny People . Like Deepak Chopra once said, “There is a-ha in haha”.
There was something personal, revealing even about Sandler's work in Funny People that I've never seen before. I know waaaah, it must be lonely at the top, but the story goes beyond one's need for acclaim or congratulations, but rather the importance of happiness and love. Maybe George Simmons (Sandler's character) should have consulted Mr. Chopra, but then again, he'd be glad he avoided the bomb that was The Love Guru. (I don't care, I still saw it. Cringed throughout, but I saw it. I love you Mike Myers!)
I am actually surprised Funny People is getting mixed reviews. Sure, Leslie Mann's voice is beyond annoying (There's a reason Joey Lauren Adams hasn't worked since Chasing Amy; Leslie Mann already married Apatow.) and sorry, there was no must-see chest wax scene or crowning moment (but are we really that bummed out, guys and gals?) but I'm glad I saw it. Funny People was a mature musing on what matters most in life. And I'm glad Mr. Apatow made a film his mentor Hal Ashby would have been proud of. (This is what the re-do of Mr. Deeds should have been like. By the way, Gary Cooper is one of my favorite actors. You should see the original.) Anyway...I look forward to seeing more Sandler, and a return to smart comedies. Please no more baby-headed CGI graphics movies!
Julie & Julia
Herlo, I'm Jurlia Child. Bon appetit! I never would have expected a biopic on famed French chef Julia Child would have enticed me this much. Her story, remarkable, of course and Julie Powell's blog-turned book-turned Nora Ephron film adaptation made for a delightful blend of 3 cups juliepowell.blogspot.com and 4 cups My Life in France for good measure. What an interesting never-been-done way to tell a story. Delicious and nutritious!
I've always been a fan of Gonzo journalism and throwing oneself into whatever one wants to do, headfirst unaware of what unruly havoc it might bring upon one’s life. (Hello, moving to Los Angeles without a job in sight.) My favorite Gonzo-lite book of recent years being Maria Dahvana Headley's "The Year of Yes," in which the author accepted every date that came her way for an entire year, even from a peculiar homeless man. Weird, hideous and hilarious all at once. And of course, “The Year of Living Biblically,” a favorite of Jersey-bred Joel Stein, authored by A.J. Jacobs, which is in active development with Marlon Wayans attached to star.
When I first read about Julie & Julia: The Book in The New York Times Book Review, I felt well-fed from the home cooked, expertly prepared version of events described instead of picking up the actual book or attempting such a, as Julie Powell put it, “deranged assignment.” (But didn't Ms. Ephron say movies are this generation's literature? Phew, I’m not as dumb as I think I am.)
Even though my not-so-secret best friend is named George Foreman, there is something satisfying about avoiding short cuts in life and making a commitment to teach oneself a new skill (never mind the fact that I’ve quit every instrument I’ve set out to play) but thanks to Ms. Ephron, I luckily didn't have to master the art of French cooking, just yet at least. Sometimes a really juicy movie, if only for an hour and a half, can enthrall and inspire the idea of trying something new. And that’s okay. 365 Days, 524 Recipes, 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen. It is pretty deranged.
But I’d be remiss if I didn’t give mad props, or heapings of praise to the divine Miss Meryl. Of course, my admiration of Meryl Streep comes not only from my more-than-a-passing resemblance of Streep (according to one “it’s definitely the shnoz” and another “you have the mouth of Meryl Streep,” whatever that means) but for her effortless transformation into the 6’2” Child, nailing her unwieldy physicality and spontaneity with aplomb. Not to mention that accent. My God, that accent. And this from the woman who went Out of Africa and won an Oscar for Sophie’s Choice. How fun must this transformation have been?
Seconds of praise must go to the deserving Stanley Tucci. Of course, the best part was Streep’s reunion with Tucci, her cohort in Prada, who played her loving, supportive husband Paul Child. What a mensch was he. Their love story was quite unique, from supporting one another overseas as OSS spies to her rise to the top of the food chain as the original Martha Stewart. And I’m glad Julie & Julia paired Amy Adams with Streep again, albeit in her shadow, as in Doubt. Though Adams does hold her own. She always gives rich strokes to seemingly precocious, girl-like characters one would otherwise dismiss as whiney or annoying. Junebug, her first Oscar nominated role, finely portrays a blissfully ignorant young Southern mom-to-be, with much more intelligence and heart than one would first observe.
I must also give a shout out to my new friend Henry Wolfe whose swingy-blues song “Stop The Train” is featured prominently in the emotional arc of the Julie character. Henry is a fantastic Los Angeles singer-songwriter who just released an EP Wolfe Sings Field (Undermountain 2009), featuring beautifully twisted lyrics and a full string accompaniment. His earlier EP The Blue House, recorded in the Berkshires, is more pop-folk centric but I am a fan of all that is Wolfe. You can buy “Stop The Train” and its B-side “The Other Man” on iTunes, along with both EPs.
Also look out for Jane Lynch, a Christopher Guest favorite who plays Streep’s sister, equally tall and the perfect doubles partner to Child’s adorable bizarreness. (And for my extra-geeky comedy friends, look for Jerri Blank’s evil mother from Strangers with Candy here playing Child’s best friend, Avis by the magnificent Deborah Rush.)
C’est tout. I’m hungry.
(500) Days of Summer
Please, please, please, let me get what I want. Not just a Smiths song but a mantra of the me, me, woe is me generation I belong to and the city I live in, the city of Angels. Lonely as I am, I enjoyed (500) Days of Summer. I believe I twittered upon exiting the theatre this exact tweet: I want to see (500) Days of Summer, (500) Days of (500) Weeks of my life. And that’s pretty good for a film that claims it is not a love story. But I loved the story.
So often women are told He’s Just Not That Into You or are "painted…as shrews.” (Sorry, Apatow, but Heigl did have a point there.) Finally, a movie for the love-challenged, strung along men (they exist?) that pine over women the way Lloyd Dobler once proclaimed the light, the heat from a ghettoblaster. Though I’ve never encountered this before, I’m sure it does happen. It must!
Joseph Gordon-Levitt reprising his lovesick puppy who lost his way from 10 Things I Hate About You, one of the best movies of the ‘90s, sweetly displays the (501) emotions of what happens when She’s Just Not That Into You.
Refreshingly honest and full of attention-grabbing sequences stretching beyond a typical rom-com, especially the Hall & Oates song and dance sequence, wherein JGL attracts an animated bluebird on his finger, a nod to the Cinderella fantasy world he has created out of his casual (to her) relationship with Summer, I melted throughout, gushing “I want a boyfriend like that!”
To paraphrase Muriel’s Wedding, life is not always as good as a Hall & Oates song. It takes two to tango, and he lets his idea of who Summer is obscure his tunnel vision of love, which is flooded in a sea of her blue eyes everywhere he goes, from who she really is. (Editor’s note: I wish a production designer would create a world around my hazel eyes, though sea-scum green isn't as easy on the eyes as Zooey Deschanel’s baby blues.)
In the end, we learn that you can’t obsess over a boyfriend or girlfriend like an infectious Smiths song. Timing is everything, and nothing lasts forever. Even Morrissey and Johnny Marr know that.
*Bonus: Map out the sights of (500) Days of Summer!
What's a Good Hair Day Got to 'do With It?
"Daddy, how come I don't have good hair?" -Lola Rock, age 5
Can you imagine what you would do if your FIVE year-old daughter asked you why she isn't pretty enough? What would you tell her?
Chris Rock, known for his provocative (read: truthful) comedy, produced a documentary to find out the lengths African-American women must go to have Good Hair .
Most people don't realize that the African-American hair business is big business, and I'm ain't talking 'bout Tina Turner's eponymous What's Love Got to 'do With It? style that even the perfection that is Ms. Oprah Winfrey admitted she tried for years to emulate. (Love you, Opes!) Thing is, we all look to other women for style inspiration and in fact, it's been said women dress for other women. As such, most men don't notice that many African-American women wear wigs, weaves, extensions and such to the tune of tens of thousands of dollars a year, just to be perceived as beautiful in the European tradition with smooth hair (and I'm not even touching on the light skin/dark skin issue so many women must confront). This is not a (cue Whitney Houston soundbite) Black Love diatribe, but rather to bring attention to this critical issue. Sure, every season on America's Next Top Model, Tyra Banks takes the razor to one woman's long hair, telling her to embrace her womanhood and the black is beautiful mantra, but how often does Ms. Banks show up to panel without a fierce*TM hair piece? If a contestant is to reject the style chosen by Mr. and Ms. J, she is often threatened with elimination for being uncooperative.
But who is really being uncooperative? How can the average woman afford to look like mainstream America's perception of black beauty, when it takes a village in India, quite literally, to attain the illustrious locks of say, Beyonce, to the tune of $15,000 per hair piece or more (no joke). No wonder Ms. Knowles-Carter keeps her mom on staff!
Just last week, Bey's younger sister Solange (whose music is actually quite good) decided to rock it au naturel, setting the internet abuzz with her bravery. Now, I'm not saying one look is better than another, or advocating for the abandonment of the weave industry (with the exception of tardy for the party ATL "housewife"/wig enthusiast Kim Zolciak) but I hope we can all embrace our beauty and be brave enough to accept ourselves for who we are, not what we look like, so that five year-old girls can focus on playtime and I don't know, idolizing their Barbies (record scratch) wait a minute...so we won't have to convince others we have Good Hair . We're good enough the way we are. I Decided (video by Solange).
Good Hair, Special-Jury winner at Sundance, opens nationwide October 9.
